13th January, 2025
Self-Acceptance in the face of the past
Spending time with people from the past can be a source of comfort. These are the relationships where you can be yourself completely, no matter how you’re feeling. On the other hand, spending time with people from the past can be challenging, leading to social anxiety or dread. It’s as though a mirror is held to who we once were, reflecting versions of ourselves we may have long since outgrown—or wish to forget! Needless to say, the challenge of self-acceptance becomes a little more complex in these situations. The question seems to be: Are we perceiving genuine projections from others, shaped by their past experiences of us? Or are we holding ourselves hostage to our own outdated self-perceptions and projecting these insecurities onto others? Understanding this dynamic and staying true to ourselves, requires both self-awareness and compassion.
Perception Matters
When we reconnect with people from our past, it is very easy to be influenced by assumptions, biases, or unresolved emotions. Whilst we can assume others are judging us for our former mistakes, weaknesses, or flaws, in all probability, they are not thinking about us at all!
These assumptions often stem from parts of ourselves that are trying to protect us from re-experiencing negative experiences of the past. The great thing is, there are wonderful ways to work with these protectors and inner critics. (Check out my blogpost “Meet your Protectors”)
On the flip side, others may genuinely struggle to see our growth. Perhaps their memories of us are deeply ingrained, or they feel threatened by our transformation because it challenges their own narrative. Either way, this mismatch in perception can feel invalidating, disheartening or confusing.
Tips for Staying True to You
The key to navigating these situations lies in cultivating a strong sense of self-love and self-acceptance, without needing external validation. Here are some tips that may help.
1. Acknowledge Your Growth Take time to reflect on the ways you’ve changed and grown. Write them down if necessary. Remind yourself that your value and worth are not defined by others’ perceptions of you.
2. Create Boundaries If someone consistently undermines your self-worth, it may be necessary to create emotional or physical boundaries. Protecting your inner peace is an act of self-love.
3. Stay Grounded in the Present Stay mindful of the present moment and remember you do not have to behave in a way that you feel others expect of you. Some people find affirmations or grounding techniques helpful to reinforce their current reality.
4. Communicate Authentically If appropriate, you could even share your journey with someone who seems stuck in the past. Sometimes, opening an authentic conversation can bridge the gap between their perception and your reality.
6. Practice Compassion for Yourself and Others The bottom line is, we are all doing our best and no-one is perfect. Being kind and compassionate to yourself is worth cultivating as a default position. The compassion you are able to hold yourself with (and all your parts!), will naturally extend towards others.
If you need help, Kinesiology can be enormously helpful in healing the parts of you that are stuck in the past or fearful of judgement. Taking time to explore this can help you enjoy the here and now in a more relaxed way.
1. Acknowledge Your Growth Take time to reflect on the ways you’ve changed and grown. Write them down if necessary. Remind yourself that your value and worth are not defined by others’ perceptions of you.
2. Create Boundaries If someone consistently undermines your self-worth, it may be necessary to create emotional or physical boundaries. Protecting your inner peace is an act of self-love.
3. Stay Grounded in the Present Stay mindful of the present moment and remember you do not have to behave in a way that you feel others expect of you. Some people find affirmations or grounding techniques helpful to reinforce their current reality.
4. Communicate Authentically If appropriate, you could even share your journey with someone who seems stuck in the past. Sometimes, opening an authentic conversation can bridge the gap between their perception and your reality.
6. Practice Compassion for Yourself and Others The bottom line is, we are all doing our best and no-one is perfect. Being kind and compassionate to yourself is worth cultivating as a default position. The compassion you are able to hold yourself with (and all your parts!), will naturally extend towards others.
If you need help, Kinesiology can be enormously helpful in healing the parts of you that are stuck in the past or fearful of judgement. Taking time to explore this can help you enjoy the here and now in a more relaxed way.
The Power of Self-Acceptance
Ultimately, self-love and self-acceptance mean freeing ourselves from the need for others to validate us or our growth. When meeting people from the past, we can choose whether to shrink back into old patterns that meet their expectations or stand firmly in our truth. By choosing to be true to ourselves, we demonstrate not only self-respect but also the possibility of growth to those around us.
Whilst our past shapes who we are, it does not define us or who we can become. In holding this truth close, the opinions of others lose their power to diminish us in any way. Ultimately, we must come to the realisation ourselves, that we are worthy of love and acceptance,
exactly as we are
Whilst our past shapes who we are, it does not define us or who we can become. In holding this truth close, the opinions of others lose their power to diminish us in any way. Ultimately, we must come to the realisation ourselves, that we are worthy of love and acceptance,
exactly as we are